The warmth of a new day...

I used to be afraid
I lived in the fear of the unknown
Living safe
Living for them

I lived walking the line of “perfection”
Afraid of the shame outside of this realm
I was worried that my whole world would crumble if I walked away from it
I was afraid to live outside their standards

My conclusion is my life is meant to be lived for myself
My realization is I need to find myself to give myself my all
My understanding is I need to please myself before pleasing them
My knowledge is what I can stand on

I don’t want to stand on your precepts
I don’t want to lay in your lies
I don’t want to wake one morning and hate everything I’ve become
I don’t want to know that I’m stuck at a dead end

Finally I’m living
Finally I’m breathing
Finally I’m standing on my own
Finally I’ve allowed myself to trust someone

So what if my paths going towards mistakes
So what if I may put my trust in others
So what if there’s heartache
So what if my path leads to hell

I can’t survive in this atmosphere anymore

I’ve changed
I’ve transformed
I’ve finally broken through my exterior
I’ve finally looked up towards the sky and can see the sun

The sun seems brighter
The grass is greener
The songs of summer seem louder

As my feet hit the asphalt I know life will never be the same
Let the winds of change blow harder than they have ever blown
I will allow myself to push and pull at myself for growth

All because one person said...

Its okay...
I will listen...
No need to be ashamed anymore...
Thank you for sharing...

Life... and its what haves...

i thought i was falling...

you made me believe that everything was going to be okay...

i gave you my all...

you broke through every wall i had ever built!

i gave you my everything...

you didn't give me any...

you only told me what was hitting the surface...

you never went in depth with what you were struggling with

how could i not tell you my heartaches and my misguidances...

i only wanted you to have me...

my inner me...

i loved you...

you loved me...

so i thought...

i went in to see you for the first time...

i showed up 30 mins late...

you never showed...

they never heard of you...

you who i gave my soul to betrayed me...

you told me of stories of this place...

stories of everything...

but didn't want me to know the real you...

i had the real you only in talking...

you never wanted to make me real...

you never wanted to make me concrete...

you could have had me...

i would have been yours...

but if you didn't want it to happen then why did you throw it out there...

why did you want to meet...

i could have been yours only through our late night talks..

i didn't have to make you real...

you placed out there...

but you took it away...

why give me such hope when you didn't want to give me your all...

why place me on a pedestal that was slowly falling down...

why pretend to love me when you never had any intentions of more...

why did i fall for you when you were a mirage

my mirage...

the thing that i wanted to see...

to get me out of my misery...

the thing to push me to be my change...

you were more than beautiful to me...

you shined so bright...

you were the only one to shed light into me...

finally i was finding home...

but when i opened the door it was just a facade...

nothing home...

nothing there...

just echoes of what i wanted to hear...

i wanted to make you real...

i still do...

i miss you...

not because you pushed me...

not because i want you to abuse me...

i want you because you were more real to me than anything i have ever had in my life...

you made me finally believe in myself...

finally step out on my own...

finally trust that if mistakes are made that you can recover from them...

that it doesn't have to take three or four tries for me to finally do what i've always wanted to do...

you made me understand that by jumping off the ledge there's more then just ground...

there's that adrenaline called life!