knowing

Hiding in the darkness
Not knowing if I live in reality or if this is a fantasy
Laying in the darkness as it over takes me


Is it truth or a lie
To control is its means
Should I follow it to where my heart is fully broken or in one piece


To be, to stand
To know where I really am
Not to hide in the darkness pretending


Its empty
But I’m never alone


To bring me out of this confusion
To stand outside these questions


I will keep pretending…


That there isn’t a thing that materializes in the darkness
That there isn’t a thing that makes this world spin


I will be a blank canvas
I will be clear of myself and all else


I will be free of it all
And I will be in chains
I will be a slave to the emptiness


I will evolve into a being with no identity
With no personality
The one that stands like a statue


The one that craves to be alive
To know the difference between light and dark

Breaking Bones

So this past week I had the worst thing happen... I got an infection in my jaw and it swell up!  My sister even said it looked like i was sitting there with air in my checks... and in actuality it was just the infection... I thought medication would make it go away but it just kept getting bigger.  


Then Friday morning I was struck with the worst fever.  It went up and down then up then down... it kept going on like that for hours.  My mother finally got up around 10am and was like i'm going to take a shower and come down then we are off the hospital... I was thinking no thank you! i rather not it will go away... but i'm glad she did take me... apparently i had an absest in my mouth that burst and went into infection mode... and so the tooth, the nerve and another tooth and nerve had to be pulled because it could have happened again if they both weren't removed... anyways they removed bone, they removed teeth, nerves, and some tissue... at one point i was worried because one dentist said to the other to be careful how he uses the drill because if he goes too far that's how jaws are broken... so i was pretty nervous then! but he didn't break my jaw... good thing! recovery would have taken MUCH longer!


so now i'm here recovering with meds that constantly make me sweat and loopy but its all for the greater good now right? oh wells... here's to a swift recovery!