IT'S HERE!!!

So this morning when I get in to class I decide to open my old yet still new (because its not a year old yet) laptop and check the status on my laptop.

**Recap** Laptop left China the 16th here but it was already the 17th there.  arrived in anchorage, alaska yesterday.  So not gonna arrive until monday or so...

LO AND BEHOLD!!!  Through the night my laptop traveled from Anchorage, Alaska to Indianapolis, Indiana to Louisville, Tennessee to Cleveland, Tennessee!  IT'S HERE IN TOWN!!  AH!!! 

The sad story was when class was over I checked the status again and it said it was already delivered at 10:03am... my class is from 10-10:50...   UGH!!!

And now I'm sitting here in my home for 3 more hours waiting for the wonderful and exciting piece of technology!  The FedEx company apparently only opens for one hour a day because they are driving most of the day delivering the packages.  But why doesn't it have to be so late in the day!  Its from 6:30pm to 7:30pm.  Man!  

So yea... just sitting here waiting!!!  I am gonna update later tonight from my new laptop!  YAY!

High in my tower...

How many times do they have to tell you your not good enough until it hits you...

What if they are right!  I see myself as a great person.  A person who just wants to have fun and have everyone just like her.  

They say greatness is thrusted upon oneself.  When I was younger people would tell me I love to see you just let go and not care.  You truly bless me when you just let go.  Tell me then what good do I hold on to?  What good is there left to stay holding on to.  Why don't I just release?

Fear of the unknown.  Always the fear.  Fear of falling again and again and again...  Whenever I pick myself off of the floor, I seem to find myself there not too short afterwards.  But I get up again and again right where I started.  I keep ruining the good stuff.  I keep pushing those I get close to away.  Far away.  

I feel so alone.  But I know that there are so many people who feel the same way.  Why does loneliness attack us all.  Maybe its the "fear" of ending up in the end not loved and abandoned.  

I've felt abandoned for such a long time.  In the mist of all the fun and all the enjoyment of life I've felt abandoned.  I live my life that way.  At any moments notice ready to run.  Ready to take off and start-over.   

But I'm not strong enough to do that.  I'm not stronged willed to just start a new.  I enjoy the monotony of feeling abandoned.

I feel so unloved and alone.

Hello China!

So as many you know from my previous post, I am receiving a macbook pro.  So today early this morning I check the apple website to check on my order status.  Needless to say the order status said that FedEx picked up my package at 10:30 am from Shanghai, China.

WHAT CHU TALKIN BOUT WILLIS!

I asked for 2-3 day delivery and I don't think my computer will becoming in that day's time!  What do you do when you want to get a refund for that type of thing?  Do you just call apple and ask for it?

On another side note.  Since this computer is going to my future brother I had to delete major stuff from the computer.  I believe from just looking and erasing I deleted about 10 to 20 gb's.  No joke!  I was astounded by all the crap that I let sit on my computer!  But all I'm waiting for is to get the new computer to put my 3000 plus songs on it.  Yes 3000 songs!  

I love music!  All types of music!  I read in this book I'm reading Sex God by Rob Bell that music helps us connect.  Connect to what?  Connect to one another.  He spoke about how at a concert, whatever type it may be, you are there with hundreds and thousands of people all in almost like an orgy.  Moving the same and enjoying the music together.  Its almost sexual he says.

Does music make me feel sexual?  Only those with a certain beat.  You know what beat I mean the one that makes you just... wow!  Anyway, music just speaks to me in the way the the artist sings it.  It sometimes transcends through me.  It really is almost like a sexual experience.

Well enough of "sexual" things.  So I work at Cracker Barrel as a server and I walked away today with $18 in my pocket!  Granted I worked from 5-7ish and granted I only had a 3 table section where it was never full!  But still.  People I live off your tips.  Whether or not I might be having a bad day 15% should always be left!  I hate when after giving GREAT service I go get the tip off the table and either they stiff me or they leave a quarter or some kind of other coins.  It just angers me so!  

Okay thats the post for today!  Just blah-zay blah-zay...  Still waiting for the post man!

Not yet shipped...

Hello... today is a good and happy blog!  Finally!

It's all about my new mac book pro!  Which is yet to be shipped but trying to be positive its coming in the mail sometime this week or the beginning of next!  YAY!

I have a mac book right now its not even a year old and I've haven't had any problems with it.  So why am I trading up?  Because I'm upgrading!  I originally wanted a pro but was convinced otherwise by my sister to get a macbook instead because it was cheaper.  It was cheaper but it still had me wanting a pro.  So when my future brother didn't fix his already messed up macbook it just got worse to worse until his mother board was fried!  I know!

The sad part about that was that the first time it was "broken" the computer was under warranty but he NEVER sent it in and the results came back and bit him in the ass!  A week before finals at grad school his laptop died... along with his 20 or so page paper that he was almost done with!  I know!  I was upset for him as well... but we all told him so.  

Yet fortune has blessed on him and I'm gonna get a new computies and so this one's gonna be given to them for almost free!  But not really I want them to give me a couple of hundred and send that money to my younger sister who needs it but shouldn't get it...

She's been acting out and lashing out.  She's 19 and I guess she's never gone through the trouble teen age and Now that she has one more year to be a "teen" its as if she's lashing out with the best of them!  She speaks with an attitude and she doesn't even notice it.  Like my cousin who is a year younger than her tells her and she gives that attitude back while saying sorry.  I don't know but I've never seen it to the extent but I hear it from others and I'm glad I'm not around to see it because she would be getting an ear full from me!

Not don't get me wrong I was a BAD child.  I truly hated my dad, so anything he did I would yell it back in his face!  When my mother didn't have the guts to say something to him I would.  I got in the fights for them... I know it was bad but that's who I was.  So like gemini alike she's following in my foot steps.

Ugh I just wanted to write about something that happened today but because when I hear someone I know reads what I'm writing I start censoring myself.  Which then that makes my posts not as "fun" as they can be.

Well that's the drama for today.  Just sitting waiting for the mail man to deliver my special package!

Losing a friend/Need counseling

I just came to the realization that I'm losing my best friend...

My sister is my best friend but in less than a month she will be married.  Tonight I came to the realization when she bailed on plans she made.

We were supposed to go out and get ice cream... more like ices or sorbet for me (I'm lactose intolerant) and she had a meeting, which of course is understandable and we were gonna go afterwards.  After the meeting she texted me that she and my future brother in law decided to go over to the leaders home to watch the game that was on tonight.  I immediately told her have him drop you off then she said "I wanna go too."  And now its 12:45 in the morning and I haven't heared from her again tonight.  Great.  

I could have gone and done something but my best friend ditched me... for a football game no less!  BTW we are not football fans.  Unless there is someone watching the game who is knowledgeable of the team and is very enthused about the game then that's when the game becomes enjoyable other wise... HELL NO I'M NOT GONNA WATCH.

What's the point of watching people keep hitting each other, throwing a ball to the same person, moving up and down a field, and having fifteen minutes become an hour and a half!  Those games last a week as far as I'm concerned!

What's really bugging me (the root of the anger) is the fact that she made my younger sister the maid of honor... I see where its coming from but it hurt deep.  I haven't told her but whateve.  It's not like I haven't been around to see you grow for the last 6 years.  Its not like I wasn't the only one who was okay with the relationship with her future husband...

Ugh!  It just makes me mad!

On top of that a friend of mine believes I should go get counseling and she says she knows of a lady... I mean who goes on that.  "Hey I know a lady you should go talk to her and tell her what you would never reveal even to yourself."  Um... okay sign me up...  Really.  I don't even know who she is.  I need to see where this lady is coming from.  I can't just go in there and talk.  It doesn't work for me that way.

All my life I've been a controversy with my family and can't talk to them about who I am and how I feel.  How am I supposed to seek out someone who apparently has seen and heard it all.  Sure they might have heard of my situation but it doesn't mean I want to talk about it.  I don't know... it just scares the living sh*t out of me to do so.  

But honestly... I know I need to go see someone and talk.  I never do with anyone except those I don't know anything about... Hence blogging... Not sure if many people read this so I write exactly what's behind the curtain.

I just want to be liked... is that so hard?

The BL

There's this little show on tv that we all have come to love. It's a show where you lose weight and you can win by losing the most weight... (if you don't know the show by now... then I don't know what) and my sister has tryed out for the show.  She was gonna be on it the previous season the one that's gonna air here soon but because her partner and her are not married they didn't want to put them on the show. Well second times a charm right...

Well they didn't have to go through the audition lines and they didn't have to apply completely the second time. Well the date where they were gonna tell the finalists was the last weekend of August yet they kept moving it and moving it and moving it... We were really just not caring.

Finally they set one more date to tell the finalists whether or not they made the show or not and they didn't get a response. We were so over it! We just didn't care what they had to say.

Well today my sister and a friend and I were sitting at my place and she gets a phone call. THE phone call. She picks up and its the producer of the show asking her if she and her boyfriend want to be in the show if someone were to drop out. Well my sister didn't say yes or no so the producer said she would call tomorrow.

What I've failed to inform you readers were that my sister is engaged and her wedding date was four weeks from this past saturday. Meaning if she and my future brother were to leave to go on the show this Tuesday they would have to stop everything dealing with the wedding. Having to call friends from far far out of town about them canceling the wedding.

So dilemma of dilemma's... should she go lose all the weight even if she doesn't make it to the end or should she stay and get married even though she can move the date to another time...

In my eyes she should go but I can't make her do something she and my future brother don't want to do. They are really heavy as am I and the best thing to do is to think of their health. We all want to think of their health. Yet his argument was "I don't want to leave without seeing my family."

HELLO!! I'm positive they will still be around if he goes off to do the show... Okay, okay enough rambilng that's all I had to say. Here's another doodle... Not something I normally draw but hey there it is. What do you guys think?

New Place

Ok, so I've been living in this new house for like a little over a month.  Great place.  I don't pay rent, or cable and I didin't have to pay a deposit.  All I pay is utilities.  I live with two nice young girls and the place is fully furnished.

Catch... what catch...

The house is so cheap because... dun dun dun... get ready... the man who owns the house is in jail for child molestation and needs long-term sitters.  Honestly the guys been in jail for like 3 years, I never met the guy so... it doesn't make me feel bad that I'm living in his house that's fully furnished and all that I pay are utilities.   Not bad, but... the reason I was able to find this place was because the mans daughter, who is like in her forties was living here until she and her husband built themselves their own home and needed some other to up keep the house.

My sister met her at my friends church while she was being dropped off.  During the ride the girl that was getting the place said she needed roommates and poof... my name was added into the mix and here I am.

Now I'm 26 years old still in college trying to finish my last year so in my eyes its a great place but... I feel as if this 22, 23 year old girl who technically is ahead of the house talks to me as if I'm a 17 year old girl who has never lived on her own.  Granted I've lived with my sister for the past 5 or 6 years outside my house but I"m extremely agreeable.  For example, my friends came into town and made a huge mess of the relationship between me and the other girls (because these girls apparently don't know how to have a good time) and also because these friends were a TAD bit inconsiderate but I worked with them as much as I could to rearrange things and make sure they were fine with everything but after that the head girl (sorry I hate putting names I'm not that type of person) has treated me like a child how has been sitting in the time out zone.

Hello!  I'm 26 I understand what your trying to tell me if you speak to me like an adult.  

Well that's the rant for today.  Here are some of my doodles in class.  No I'm not a professional artist but I like to draw whenever I'm bored or have some inspiration.

 

So comment on my doodles... thanks everyone!

A Fresh Start

Hello blogger world. This is the injured artist.  Blogging is new to me so lets see how long this will last.  

I'm just gonna write whatever is going on and how I feel from day to day.  If I start sounding to much of this or that just gonna apologize in advance.  Well this is it for now just trying to make it short and sweet!