I will withhold...

i've decided to stop posting for right now...

my writings have become to private for me to post...

i don't want to divulge my heart to y'all just yet...

maybe soon...

one day...

you will see all of it...

but for right now...

my heart is too weak to reveal all of me...

allow it to grow stronger then i will show you my true self...

through my writings...

How Do I Capture You

**My first attempt at writing a song**


I.

Were you not ready for me
Did I bring to much baggage
You didn’t seem to care
You decided to look through all my bags

I carried my tough exterior
But you saw through me
You knew there was more behind my masks
I wasn’t prepared for you

I broke down as soon as your eyes burned through my exterior
I couldn’t say no to you
But how do I burn my eyes into your soul
How do I turn the tables where you only find me irresistible

Chorus.

How do I capture and captivate you
How do I make you mine
How do I hold you so tight there is no where else you can run to

How ready are you for my love
Were you ever ready for it
It was yours to give
It was yours to receive

But I see now that you weren't ready

II.

You had gotten to the core of me
Revealed all of me
Exposed me to the world
Pulled out the things that wasn’t needed

But I wasn’t able to find your core
You never let up
You never removed your masks

You never let up on anything
How was I gonna find your heart
When you never allowed it to be mine

All I wanted was you
Not what you did for me
Or what you could do for me

I miss you my loved one

Chorus.

But... How do I capture and captivate you
How do I make you mine
How do I hold you so tight there is no where else you can run to

How ready are you for my love
Were you ever ready for it
It was yours to give
It was yours to receive

Bridge.

Here’s my heart
I lay it out there for you
Please don’t reject it
Because I don’t know if I can take it

Chorus.

But... How do I capture and captivate you
How do I make you mine
How do I hold you so tight there is no where else you can run to

How ready are you for my love
Were you ever ready for it
It was yours to give
It was yours to receive

Hoping for... You and Me

nothing new to report.... so nothing to new to post...

but what i have been working on in myself is to have more confidence and more passion. more confidence in my self to be strong and independent! and to have more passion for something in life. i don't feel like i have too much passion for anything and i need some kind of passion. Where it may be. I want to be an artist. You know when you see people and they say... "oh they're an artist!" thats what i want people to say about me but i don't know how to go about doing that... oh wells... one day!

also... when you think you can rid yourself of one person. thinking they are out of your life. thinking you have finally released them... they come back into your life and re-captivate you. why do people do that to you. its almost cruel. almost like they have you on that short leash. but at the same time... i was hoping for that reconnection. hoping to be missed a little bit. so then you know that you meant something. that you were able to somewhat captivate that person. not like you were able to fully captivate them but... slowly... they see you as more than just a simple person.

i want to be more than sweet. i don't want people to call me just sweet. i will give them that i may be simple because i have simple needs. but i want to be extraordinary for me and for them.

well thats a me post today. hoping for new things in life! I was hoping for change and well its already gotten here. just hoping on new things! alright world lets get ready because i'm coming in full force! so watch out! because next time you will see me i will be taking you by the reins!

for everyone else i am hoping love, hoping blessings, hoping understanding your way! also lets try to not judge those we truly hate. they are someone to. something i need to also work on.

~peace and love

The Loneliness of the Violins Song

Let the violin play loud
To the melody of my heartache
To the melody of solitude
To the song of my soul

As the violin strums it plucks at my heart
The music plays as my tears fall
The bow moving at the speed of how the world crumbles around me

It keeps playing
Never ceasing
Never letting up

This heartache keeps growing
Keeps showing me how simple I was
How much you were able to envelop me in you

And I allowed it
If only I held some of me back
If only I didn’t show you all of me

Thats what truly hurts me
That the violin plays all of my heartaches
All of my pain
All of me

Exposing me to everyone
Without me giving it my consent
Just playing and playing

Louder and louder it goes
How can I stop this music from penetrating others
I just want to hold my music for now
To listen to it by myself
Yet I can’t stop it from telling my story

I can’t stop it from rendering me to this world
As the melody plays I am pulled in to it
Dancing away the emotions
Dancing away my sorrows
And feeling like an empty shell

Feeling like I have to dance
To put on my show
I just want to break the music
Sit in silence

I can’t even hear myself anymore
All I hear is my torment
My discomfort
My agony

Oh violin
I plead with you
Stop playing so that I could get over my despair
So that I could stop hurting
For just one night

Our New Creation

Nothing surrounding us
Nothing all around us

Just you and me
Exposed to each other
Standing
The beauty of you and I

At each step something was left behind
We started to see the grass grow
The flowers bloom
The animals come out

We started to create our lives
What we wanted for each other
The tenderness of a a brand new life

With each other
Can you hear the heart beat of our new life
The blood rushing
The heart beating
This new creation
Our love
Our union

My dearest
Our life is so beautiful
The new songs of the birds
Singing our love
As the water rushes
It speaks of our life
And the animals running to one another to tell them of us

How splendiferous it is
Our new creation

Our new life

Dancing

I want to dance with you
I want to listen to the melody and fly away
To be taken away in your arms
And not have a care in the world

To see your smile under the twilight
How happy you and I would be
How wondrous the moment would be
Nothing but us in the world

My cute little you
Moving around trees
And dancing over waters that glisten in the moonlight
Holding your hands

Grasping your heart
So beautiful
So sacred
So pure would the moment be

A simple kiss
A simple exchange of love
So gentle
But filled with so much love

My dear love
My dear friend
How I want more
How I want you to be mine

More than just the movements
More than just the feelings
I want it all
To have you in my arms

Dancing our dance
For the rest of our lives
My dearest lover
To have you be mine
And I all yours

Silly Love

Its just a silly little crush
From a silly little girl
Wishing silly little things

Wishing for love
Wishing for comfort in your arms
Hoping that you will send love back to her

Needing to feel safe in your eyes
Feeling safe with your kisses
Finding courage in you

Just a silly little girl finally able to stand
Stand because of you
Breathe because of you
Smile because of you

Loving only because of you
Not just a friend but becoming a lover
Finding home in your arms

Just a silly little girl
Who grew up
Who fell in love
And saw more than a crush

Believing that the love was being returned
That the love was true
That the love was all you needed

What a silly thing love can be
Silly enough to allow someone to find passion
Silly enough to break free from molds
Silly enough to make mistakes and know that tomorrow will be a new day

Silly enough to find out that there wasn’t love
Just a silly little crush
From a silly little girl
Who isn’t silly anymore

I Didn't Know My Own Strength

So reading on my old blogs I've come to the realization that everything I was hoping for has truly come to fruition. I am where I need to be emotionally at this stage! I read back on them and see how much all the things I've been wishing for has truly come true! I am in a happy place. I can fall and know that it will be ok. Whether I am alone when it happens or with all the people I love! I am just so happy to what life has finally bestowed on me! Finally someone listened! Someone allowed me to be me and more people are allowing me to be myself with them! I honestly LOVE IT! So I'm not gonna write something of myself. For a day like this I will give this day to someone who is truly an overcomer. That is Miss Whitney Houston! I love her new single that she has out. Its as if its perfect for me. In this moment and time she came along with the right song! Well Miss Houston I hope wherever you are that you are loved and happy!

Here's her song... The title is called "I Didn't Know My Own Strength" sung by Whitney Houston

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength


If you want to listen to the song look it up here... http://www.lovebscott.com/page/8/
Please listen. It is beautiful!

Created To Try

I was created to try
I was made to get back up
I was forged to crash, burn, and shake it off

To keep walking into adversity
To shine in the darkness
To live to more than what I believe I can be

To stand on the edge of life and fly

To soar over evil
To lay in love
To look fear in the eye and know it cannot hold me down

To walk with all of my medals on display
Medals of pain
Medals of hurt
Medals of betrayal

My heart was created to withstand it all
I am strong
I am more than a warrior

Everyday
I fight to live
Everyday I have a constant battle to survive
To keep going

To push through all negativity and find the truth
I am strong
I am powerful

And though I may feel invincible
I am not
But once I am broken and shattered
There is only one way to go

That is to pick up the pieces
Learn from the mistake
And keep going

Keep growing
Keep fighting

I Want To Be

I want to be

The one you wrap your arms around
The one you hold at night
The one you give a devilish smile to
The one you want to caress
The one you want to befriend
The one you want to love

I want to be

Your loved one
Your only lover
Your lust
Your desire
Your infatuation
Your forever more

I want to be

The one you run to
The one you whisper your sweet nothings to
The one you tell your secrets to
The one you need to have holding you
The one you cry with
The one you fight with

For everything you need
For anything that it is your lacking

I want to be the one to give it to you
I want to be the one you give it to

I want to be your only one

To Forget You

I sit here
Listening to the rain
How it hits the windows
Wanting to be outside letting it hit my face
So the world will not see the tears falling from my eyes
From the loss of you

Trying to remember the memories
Trying to hold myself together
But nothing seems to work
I can’t seem to hold it all in
I can’t seem to keep myself together
All I see is sadness

How I wish the rain could wash away the pain
Wipe way the hurt
The shame
The fear

This pain is too much to bear
I don’t want to feel it anymore
I want to break free from your magic

I want to run in the rain and lose myself into the rain
Let the lightening hit
Let the thunder shake me
Shake the image of you from my mind

Let it help me forget you
Let it erase you from my life
How much more will I need the rain to fall on me
How long will I be able to sit under it
I want to break free from you

Let the wind make the rain fall harder
Maybe that will help me forget the image of you forever

I Will Let You Go

Ok
I will let you go
I will no longer hold on to you
Hold on to your heart

I release you
Though it pains me
Though I am falling apart at the idea
I must let your wild heart go

You who have brought me so much joy
You who have shown me more
You who I finally listened to
And who showed me pass the fear

I clung on to you so tight
I held you until I couldn’t let you go
But I was sure that I was suffocating you
I miss you and yet I know that you will be ok if I release you

It is I who will still be calling for you at night
But this love will never be
For you don’t see me the way I see you
You don’t feel me the way I feel you

So how can two paths ever become one
Two paths that are completely twisted
Never to become straight
Never to follow the lines

I can’t follow your path
And you can’t follow mine
So here is where I let you go my dear lover
I will try not to call on your heart anymore

I will not try to answer your replies
Let me walk out on you
And not talk anymore
Even though it will be the hardest thing I will ever do

I will let you go
For once and for all

Colorless

I walk through those doors
Each day I find it more and more difficult
It grieves me
To know that you will never be there to see me again

It pains me that your love is far from me

I sit at our spot
Looking out the same window we always looked out of
Seeing the same things we always did

But its different
It doesn’t look as beautiful as it used to
You made everything look so different
And now life is colorless

I try to yell
I try to make a move
But nothing
I feel nothing

As if all the color
All the life
All of me left when you walked out that door
When you said no to me

I walk and with each step my feet get heavier
Heavier with the loss of you
Heavier with emptiness
And nothingness

I close the blinds on all my windows
Maybe I will find some light that you left behind
Maybe in the darkness I will find you
I have lost myself

I lived for you
I did everything for you
I made myself more for you
I changed because of you

And now I am curled up like a child
In the corner shutting out life
Sitting alone in the dark
Listening to the stillness

Hoping I can hear your voice in the stillness
Life has finally stopped
And I can’t see anything
I cannot see the future nor my present

My mind is clouded by the memory of you
It is beaten down
How do fight to get you back
How do I let myself stand with out you here

Holding tight to your sweatshirt
I smell you
I need you
I let it wrap around me hoping to feel you

There is nothing left here
You took it all with you

Bring my heart back
Bring my love back
Bring the sunshine back into me

How long will I stay broken
How long will I lay here
Let me wallow in the loss of you

I’m scared
Scared that I will never love like this again
Scared that you were the only one that could find my heart
Scared that this story is bound to repeat itself again

I want you
And yet I don’t need another you

You have damaged me more than anyone could
Bringing me false hope
Sending me false love

How I ate it all
And still wishing you were here
That you never left

How do I break free from you
How do I

Just be

Hold me

Leave me

Kiss me

Run from me

Help me find some happy medium without you

Help me find new colors to a life without you

Run

Like the rushing wind
Like a babbling brook
Like a child finding their mothers arms

You came to me
You ran to me

My arms that were weak
Were tiny and poor
Only enriched by you
By your life
Your charisma

To be in your arms forever is my wish
To enjoy every laughter
Every silent moment
Every moment full of life

How did I not find this with anyone else
You are my sweet seduction
My honest delight
My dearest loved one

How much more can I feel for you
I hold you tight
I hold you near
Our lips brush up against each others

My darling
How you intrigue me
All I want to do is discover you
Discover the possibilities that is you and I

There are no other arms I want to run to
Let me run into yours
Like you ran into mine

Hold me as I held you
Keep me near
Keep me by your side

Let us forever be each others

My Pure Delight

You smile
It’s so bright
Your face
Lights up my heart

The way your eyes look at me
I am mesmerized
You have me in your hold
I am so happy

You fill me with so much joy

We walk side by side
You hold out your hand
And I reach for it
Simply enjoying your time alone

Its as if our worlds have perfectly aligned themselves
So that we could finally meet
Where have you been all my life
Why didn’t I meet you ten years ago

I’m falling for you

Its not like its hard to do
You are my pure delight
Nothing is said
But so much is felt

I have so much I want to tell you
But I can see that you feel the same way
Its all in your eyes

Let me stare into them forever
Let me fall for you each day

Hold me close
Hold me tight
Let us stay like this until there is no more you and me
But us

You bring so much to my life
There is excitement with every word that pours out of your mouth
I linger on every thing you say
You make me laugh like I have never laughed

You are mine
And I am finally yours

My Loved One

There’s no more light in your eyes
The shine is gone
Where has it gone
When did you let it die

Are you afraid
Are you mad
Why don’t you see me with much delight
Why does it seem that you want this to end

How can I show you that there’s more
Why are you distancing yourself from me
I hold you close yet you push me away
I haven’t done anything to hurt you

We’ve made mistakes
Everyone does
So why do I feel like I am your big mistake
Why must you start running

My love I call you
Yet you cringe at the word
Love, love, love
You seem to diminish at the word

Are you afraid to love me
Are you scared to hurt me
Where have I shown that I don’t want your love
What do you need me to show you that I need your love

Nothing is perfect
Not even nature
There is imperfection in everything
That is what makes everything work

One imperfection works with another one
No my love you are not an imperfection
I am
I am the one that is flawed

I have done so many mistakes
Yet you have seen passed them
As I am doing to you
I don’t care

I will love you with all of them
I need you to know that
I need you to understand that
I want you with all your pain

I want to suffer with you
I want to cry along side you
I want to laugh laying with you
I want to love you

My love I can see through your deception
I know that you want to be loved
We all do
I want to give you my love

Even if that means I will be forsaking everything I know
I will give it all up just to be with you
That is how much you mean to me
You are my whole world

Let me be your whole world
Let me encompass a new love for you
But if you really want out
If you think that there is nothing left here

Then I will grant you your wish
Yet my arms will always be open to you
You are more than loved
You are my loved one

What I've been obsessed with!

so i've been listening to a new up coming singer/songwriter named Melissa Polinar. She is truly my new obsession! Her lyrics to all her songs are so wonderful! I can't get enough! One song that she has on YouTube called Give It Away is on constant play! I can't get enough of it! Her voice is so beautiful! Well here are the lyrics. You should look her up, subscribe her, and buy her music! Well enjoy!

I.
Oh no, its not a secret
not trying to hide from anyone
so what if I'm obvious

I don't care if everyone knows

not trying to be poetic
right now, there's no room for fancy words
just let me write this music

and it may be
that you won't feel me
and i'll go crash and burn (but)

Chorus:
here's my heart
here's every part of me
i give it away
and i'm here to stay (and now)
here's my love
take it or leave it
still i'll give it away
and i'm here to stay
i'm putting it all on the line
whether or not I survive
I'm giving it all away

II.
I'm doing all that I can from here on out
to help you understand
this is how much you mean to me

and it may be
that you won't see what see
and i'll go crash and burn

Bridge:
i don't care if i go crash and burn
its none of my concern
just as long as my love is heard


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zl3Lgq3zFY

dunno

i'm not sure if i will post today... well an actual one of my writings... we will see... if it happens it happens... so be it!

oh yes saw a rainbow today and it just made me SO happy! made me think of all the beautiful things coming my way!

well thats that for now!

The Ghost of Change

Scattered on the ground
Just like you found me
That’s how you leave me

Do you build me up to cut me off at the knees again
You waltz in here with your beauty
Your charm
And your lust

Craving me
My lust was yours
My love was yours
Captivating every inch of me
Disturbing every part of me
Focusing all on you

You ripped at me
You pulled at me
You disorganized my whole life

You trampled all the hate
All the mistakes
All my guilt and shame

And finally I had strength to stand
We danced
We ran
We jumped over all norms
Over life and its loves

We enjoyed ourselves
We held each other
I cried
You wiped my tears
And caressed me

You did whatever you wanted with me
You kissed my lips
You kissed my heart
You put your love on me

I was afraid of you
Afraid of you spirit
You were so open to life
So much freedom
Something I’ve never allowed in my life

You thrusted me out into the world
And the world took me in with open arms

But as soon as I was out on my own
You slowly started to step back
Slowly disappearing into the mists
And fading into the background

I couldn’t see you anymore
You were gone
Never to find me again
I stood on my own
Trying to remove the loss of you
But I’m yelling into the wilderness
Screaming to have you back
But all I hear are my echoes

Bouncing off into nothingness
As if a ghost
The ghost of freedom

So here I am
On the ground again
In a puddle of change
Surrounded by sadness
And feeling used

I don’t need an explanation
Let me explain

You gave me life
So I owe you more than you can imagine
Let me pay in full
But where do I send the my payment to

Do I just tell the wind
Maybe it will get faster to you than me

Waiting by the moonlight

Sitting by the edge of the water
Seeing the waves coming in and out
Seeing how the vast ocean brings and takes away

Thats how your love was
So vast
So overwhelming
So wonderful

As the sun rises I felt the warmth of a brand new day
A new day with you by my side
As the world slowly become bright
So did my life

Full of energy
Full of enjoyment
Full of you

Each grain of sand becoming a new memory
I was yours
We ran on the cool sand
Hand in hand

As the breeze ran through our hair
And our skins being kissed by the sun
We sat there in total bliss
No other moment like ours

But our moments were so short
Just like the moment the wave hits the shore
Coming in and quickly going out
So was your the time we spent together

The waves bringing in sweet and bitter sweet gifts
Our time spent together was so special
More than I could ask for
But so swiftly did you want to run in the other direction

The suns setting brings on the darkness
The darkness you left behind
And yet the waves keep coming
They keep crashing down

Washing away all the pain
Bringing new loves
But you will always be the one
The one that I will never forget

The one that brought the sun back into my life
The one that helped me to feel the sand under my feet
You are my one

Under the darkness of the moon
Light by the light of the stars
I will walk alone
I will stand alone

Waiting on the wave that brings you back to me
I will listen to the waves coming in and out
Waiting on that sun to rise again

The way you see me

I thought we meant more to each other

I guess I wasn’t that important
You didn’t see me as valuable
I saw you as my fountain of wisdom
But you didn’t see me as much

What did you really see me as
Was I just a helpless child
Hopeless person
Needy girl

I want to see me the way you saw me
I want to be able to picture me in your eyes
So I can take a good look at myself

You really were more than I could ever have

But you’ve come across people like me often
People who try and get things from you
I was just one more to add to the list
One more that you were glad to get rid of

My foolish heart believed there was more
More to you
More to this
But there wasn’t was there

Yes you have so much I can learn from
So much you’ve gone through
And so much you have done
But I don’t care about your experience

I don’t care of where you have been
Or what you have done
I care for your heart
I care for what is underlaying

I want to hold your heart
But you don’t want that
You just want a good time
Always looking for fun

I guess I wasn’t that much fun
I bored you more than helped you
I see that now
Thank you for opening my eyes

To see how pathetic you saw me
How lost I was
Did you get a kick out of helping me
Did you feel better after I was “cured”

I stand here angry
Not at you
But at me
For believing every thing

For clinging on to your words like dew under the morning sun
For listening like the still trees on a summer afternoon
But why can’t I stay mad at you
Why will I not allow myself to hate you

I feel no harsh emotions towards you
You did give me wisdom
You gave me life
I guess there really isn’t anymore that I can get from you

So do I close my door to you
Do I forget you hurt me
Do I forget the many tears you made fall from my eyes
Or do I just hold on to the happy memories

The ones of us laughing
Loving
Helping
Holding

Give me some time
Then maybe my heart wont be asking for you as much

My unattainable one

I can’t get you out of my head
I can’t stop thinking about you
All I want is you
My unattainable one

The free spirit that I will never have
I can’t help but think of you
Needing you
Call for you

But you don’t need me as much as I need you
I’m just the patient
You are the doctor
I was the needy one

You are the one that they all want
They all crave
How do I make my bid
How do I make an imprint on your life

How do I captivate you
You’ve already captivated my heart
Do you think you’re not worth it
Because you are more than worth it

You are my gem
You are so treasured in my heart
You cross my path and all I do is melt
You are more than intoxicating

Your irresistible
My temptation
You excite me
You are the only excitement in my life

The way you talk
Makes me swoon
But I will never be that to you
I will never be able to capture you

I want to release you
And nothing allows me to let you go
I try forgetting you
But how can I forget my first love

My first everything
I need you more than you will need me
And I think this is where our relationship needs to end
You will never need me as much as I do

So here’s where our paths split
As you let the wind take you
I will stay on the ground watching you float away

The Breaking Point

There comes a point when you reach the breaking point
A point when everything you’ve done hits a wall
Nothing seems like its going your way
Everything falls apart and nothing fits the way it was supposed to

When you reach that point where do you go
When you have found that you are tired of what people are saying
You are sick of hearing the same thing
People are not listening but telling you what you should do

When do finally say STOP
LISTEN
I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE
LET ME BREATHE
LET ME SPEAK

Once every thing’s stopped
What do you do
What do you say
Where do you go

Life finally stops
Life goes in reverse
You finally see what you have been missing on
And your no longer longing for that change

Your standing at the door
With your hands out spread on either side of you
Life hitting you differently
Instead of bouncing off it is saturating

What do you do
Do you respond to the nay sayers
Do you reply with negativity
Do you speak with anger

But nothing is sticking
Their words seem to glide off
Things don’t seem to matter
You understand

Who cares
No longer do you put on a performance
No longer will you cater to an audience
No longer is there a need to please everyone

Ultimately you will allow to make yourself happy
At last you will live for yourself
You will let your life move on with out the stigma of your old life

Your Call

Why must you patronize me
Waiting by the phone
Waiting on you
You have me yearning for your call

Your call on my heart
I am here
Standing
How long are you gonna make me wait

I will run to you by your charm
I will leave it all behind
If you just let me love you
If you love me

Your lure is so intriguing
Your words are so inviting
What is it you want from me
What is it you need from me

Where can I pull at myself to give you what it is your lacking
Will you take it if I give it to you
Will you pass it by
Will you not want it

I wait

Holding on to what it was we had between us
If only you would give me closure
Then I wont be awaiting your voice
Your touch
Your gaze

Late night talks
So beautiful
Late night walks through my soul
I want your heart
But my heart...
Is it not enough

Do you just want the outer image I portray
I’m not asking for more than what you can give
I’m not pushing to have you make a decision now
I’m asking if there’s more here

If this can actually lead somewhere
If you will let me go if there’s nothing left
I’ve made you my center
And for that I am a fool

But your more than just alluring
Your more than my seduction
You have given me more
You have placed such love in my heart

I am so easily to walk away from
How was I mistaken for a “fun” time
You’ve broken my heart
You’ve grieved me

Such sorrow
All I wanted was to be held by you
To be caressed by you
To have you kiss my pain away

Yet its been days
Weeks
It feels like a whole lifetime
And yet no return from you

Was I too simple for you
Did I not have more experience for you
Was I too green behind the ears
Its ok

Maybe my kisses were never meant for you
Maybe my touch, gaze, lust, love was not enough
I don’t want to close the door to you
I still hope for you

Don’t say no to me
Even if its just a glance my way
Let me know that I meant something to you
That I was more than a random somebody

The Freedom of Love

Emotions
Running
Falling
Standing
And again running

I’ve been keeping it all at bay
Keeping more than just words
Keeping more than just emotions
I want to yell
I want to scream

Angered
Hated
Never allowing to be broken
To be loved

So sacred was my heart
Held behind from the world
Bleeding
Hurt
Shattered

But no one to heal it
No one to mend it
Not even religion

Faith seemed to be failing me
How long have I waited on faith to bring me out of shame
How long did I waited on faith to hold me up
How long did I waited on faith to shine grace on me

All I felt was grace
But barely anything else
How long was I going to live like this
How long were you going to have me like this
Until I had nothing left
Nothing more
So much emotions until one day
It burst
Like a ballon full of butterflies
Flowing free
Flying high
Soaring to its new discoveries

Pouring out of me like a powerful force
That had been hidden
So much to release
So much to encounter
So much to take in

Standing in the warmth of a new day
Standing on the brink of new life

Running to the first open arms
Arms so warm
So gentle
So soft
Caressing my wounds

Kissing my pains
Holding my heartaches
Ripping away my chains
Its never felt more like home
Its never felt so familiar

Your eyes burn into mine
Your words pierce my soul
Your tenderness
Your gentleness

Finally its flowing out of me
I can’t hold it back
I can’t stop it from being expressed
So much love
So much freedom
Never again to be emotionless
Never to be quiet
Finally I’ve allowed a window to my soul

One with so much sunlight to shine down
To let wind through
I can’t do more than just give in
Freedom so alluring
So seductive

Let us dance under the moonlight
In the wilderness
Let us create our new world
Free from labels
Free from religion
Free from pain
Free from hurt
Free from heartache

Let us dream
Let us create
Let us exist

All I can do is run
Run through the fields of beauty
The fields of love

Your love is so enticing
Your love is my life

Finally my new world

Shinning Light Into My Heart

Sitting in the dark
I see something
A faint light
Getting closer

You ask can I sit in the dark with you
I respond why
You say because I thought you need some company
So I say sure

Just you and me
In the dark
With the only light being the flashlight you carried in

How did you find me
What made you find me
Do you have any other intentions
You can’t just be here for me

We sit in silence
Are you waiting for me to say something
Because I wont
I will sit in silence with you

I will be a good girl
I will be the girl everyone’s telling me to be
But you sit there looking at me
I have nothing to tell you

And you still sit there
What do you want me to say
What do you need me to say
Tell me so we can move on with sitting in the darkness

Yet you keep sitting there
No your not breaking me down
No I’m not letting you in
No I will not let you to persuade me

Your so warm
I’ve been sitting here for so long
No one to talk to
Your still not breaking me down

You move closer
Why are you here
You stand your ground
I will not disintegrate in your presence

Will you keep sitting there if I show you what I’ve been doing in the dark
Will you sit there while I cry
Will you sit there while I call out for help
Why are you still listening to what I am doing

Why do you stay there and just be quiet
Do you not see that I rather be alone
No don’t come near me
No don’t hold me

Your arms wrap around me
I push you away
I fight with you
You hold tight

No I will not let you in
Why must you persist
Why must you keep trying to break through me
I’ve been here so long

No one’s ever been here
Why you
Why not someone else
How did you find the core of me

It was hidden
Unwanted
And protected
But you took your time
You broke through the walls
Found the small room
Broke every chain on the doors
And found me

Finally someone shinning light
Finally someone has taken my heart
Finally someone has shown me love
There’s nothing left in the room
As you lead me out
I don’t understand why I sat in the darkness for so long
Why I never allowed myself to be loved

We Are Gems

How long will it take
How long will your process be
We hold ourselves back
Afraid of what others may think

We are scared that our life is different from each others
We don’t want to share because of what others shock value may be
But in reality all our heartache
All our sorrows

They are the pressures we need to go through
The pressures that mold that gem inside us
Getting refined by each circumstance
How long will we keep our gems hidden from each other

How long must we not allow it to shine
Who will it be to finally crack our silver lining
To shine light into the encased gem
To be pulled out for all to see

If only we would see ourselves like shining jewels
How beautiful would we look to the world
How enticing would we be to each other

No longer hidden
No longer shunned
No longer kept away for someone
Lets shine on each other

Lets allow ourselves to bestow these gifts on one another
Whether your a ruby, emerald, diamond or pearl
We are all meant to shine

We are different jewels for a reason
We have different stories
Lets allow our love to shine
And love each other for our different stories

For it is human nature to be unique
Lets find happiness in the our sorrows
And let’s rejoice in our extraordinary differences