Thankful for...

The air I breathe
the presence of more
the ability to be more
the strength to stand out
the vulnerability of my strength
the power of my quietness
my annoying family
my pain in the rear end job
my friends
for the kindness of those that know when I need it
for the wonderful people that know exactly what to say when I truly need it
for another day
for a roof over my head
for a warm bed in the morning
for all the hugs i've received
for all the hugs that have been sent my way and i have not yet received
for love
for hate
for anything that makes me feel alive
for tears that erase
for tears that replenish
for tears that fall when I am awestruck
for a helping hand
for a kind hand
for a strong hand
for a broken hand

I am thankful because this year is ending and so is a big part of me.  On to a new year.  A year to be more, to forget, to move on, to be happy.  To not look back unless I need to.  To remember only the things that will help me move on.  And I am thankful because I have wonderful people that will stand side by side and walk into a new year with me.  Thank you my loved ones!  You mean the world to me!

~Rosa

Grow for me

I am filled with dissatisfying days
days filled with anger
filled with sadness
filled with hatred

wishing for a change
wishing for something more
wishing for a rip in this earth

for an earth shattering new life
to plant my seed and watch it grow
yet i have planted and nothing is showing
nothing is emerging

it is dying and I can't seem to help it grow
all I am doing is drowning it
I am watering it too much
I am giving too much attention
and I can't seem to see any thing from it

I just want to forget it
let it die
let it wither away
move on and plant again
move on and pretend it wasn't there

to plant a new one far away
maybe this one will bring me joy
maybe this one will finally emerge from the ground

the day I planted it
How many dreams did I have for it
the hopes of it flourishing to be grand and wonderful
to be strong and bloom

and its been a long time
and it still there
as if it taunting me
telling me your not good enough for it to flourish

not good enough for it to grow
to be more
to be for me

not good enough
now i understand

No More

**i was trying to post something a day and if i missed a day i tried posting two a day... but i'm not sure if i want to keep posting for the rest of the month... this post hurt to write... only because of how true it is... and how i just want to leave things like that... here's a song to go with it... i will only post a link to it... ♊**

Today was the day I ripped you from me

The day I finally said no more

No more will you keep me chained to your heart

No more will you keep me holding on

No more will you keep me caged

I cut the strings to all the balloons and now they float away

As the love I had for you

As the warmth I felt for you

As the the way I felt you

How many times did I want it to be more

How many times did I ask for more

How many times did my tears fall for you

It should feel freeing

It should feel like a new day

It should feel new

Then why does it feel like I’m still bound

Still trying to find my way out

Still trying to find my happiness

There were days when it was nice to feel bound

When I felt happy to be in a cage

When I was joyed to be chained

Now I’m scared to stand alone

Scared to walk with no one by my side

No one to keep me warm

I’m scared to let you go

Scared that by being with you I left the best part of me

I left the most important part with you

How could you be any good

How could you still hold the good parts of me

When every part of you never connected the way it should with me

I gave you so much

And in return I wish I had found happiness

I have left you and now what

Now where do I go

I just want to run back

I miss being bound

But it can’t be apart of me

It doesn’t and never made me happy

I gave you the best parts of me

And now I must make new parts for a better me

Goodbye

This is the last time I will say anything more to you

Anything more about you

Anything more about this false love

LIFE

Just one thing to post today that was so strong I had to say something about.  I found this because someone posted it on twitter.  I was wondering why the name and could it go along with TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS since it was the "date" on friday.  So I clicked on the link and WOW!  What a strong message! Sitting here in the comfort of my own home I forget all the atrocities that this cruel world has.  Day in and day out the most disgusting and vile things happen and yet we just let them pass as if they mean nothing.  And yet I write about it and still do nothing.  But in a small way I am doing my part and that is talking about it.  What is it that I speak about?  Human Trafficking! I will not say more.  Instead I leave you with this:


LOVE146 http://bit.ly/3Bqh2z


If you can in any way... try and pass this on... THANK YOU!


~Rosa

Drowning

What has our relationship become

What has this union transformed into

It doesn’t make me happy anymore

It doesn't make me smile

Instead I wipe the tears from my face

Instead I am running to cover it before you see my pain

I don’t let you see the hurt you’ve placed in me

I want to tell you

But I’m so scared

Scared of you leaving

But if I keep hiding these emotions you will

And I will be standing right where I don’t want to be

Drowning

I am drowning

Your love is so overwhelming

Its so grand

It keeps me holding on

Yet I’m afraid if I release you I wont have anything left

Yet you keep creating those waves

The water keeps pushing me down

It keeps covering me

Should I drift off

Should I float way

Should I just forget all the happy memories

The many times you loved me

The many times we were one

Oh my darling

It hurts to even call you that

I know this wont work

But I want to pretend just a bit longer

Until you are the one that needs to hold on

Until you are the one feeling like you will drown without me...

2 Songs...

**these two songs, everytime i hear them make me want to jump up and busta move! i love them when it comes to listening to nonsense! but they make my booty shake! so sue me!!! :) enjoy!**


Satellites 
by September


Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites

Well, they said it was time for changing
Rise and shine
Everybody's making it, but you
And they told you to trust your dreaming
But it's hard to believe a feeling
That you just don't know

Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites
Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites

You've been trying to walk on water
In the end everybody
Walked all over you
Now, you don't like the sight of mirrors
Cause you're scared that the face
You'll see, will look just like before

Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites
Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites

All I want is you
Let me take you back
Where you once belonged
All I want is you
It will be alright if you come along
You were never gone

Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites
Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites

Even an angel can end up falling
Don't you cry, because you're crawling
Start again, it's a beautiful morning
For satellites
Satellites


*and*


Here We Go Again
by Pixie Lott


All my friends are going out
but I've been thinking
maybe I better stay in bed
The ceiling's spinning round
like I've been drinking
I've got this banging in my head

boom boom boom boom
I need my-yy medicine
and the cure ain't Aspirin

I don't care about tomor-o-o-oh
here we go again, here we go again
I'll be the last one on the dance flo-o-o-or
when this party ends, when this party ends
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there
Ooooooh
Ooooooh

I sleep through the alarm
head under pillow
I know I'm gonna pay for this
I can't stand missing out
so when you call me, call me
I say okay if you insist
boom boom boom boom
I need my-yy medicine
and the cure ain't Aspirin

I don't care about tomor-o-o-oh
here we go again, here we go again
I'll be the last one on the dance flo-o-o-or
when this party ends, when this party ends
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there

Ooooooh
Ooooooh
Ooooooh
Never wanna stay
I wish I was there

Ooooooh
Ooooooh
Ooooooh
Never wanna stay
I wish I was there

Never wanna stay
I wish I was there

I don't care about tomor-o-o-oh
here we go again, here we go again
I'll be the last one on the dance flo-o-o-or
when this party ends, when this party ends
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there
I don't even care (NO!), I don't even care (NO!)
Never wanna say
I I wish that I been there

Substance (song)

**i've been up since 8am this past morning and went out got in about 45minutes ago and wrote... here it is... take it from me... for i cannot bare to hold it in anymore... enjoy lovies!**

This road is long

And yet I can’t get myself to belong

I spend hours hitting the pavement

I feel like its been my enslavement

Days and days I long for some kind of emotion

Its all a big sea and a nothingness or an ocean

I want to die

And drop like a fly

What more can I get at

Can’t you see I am more than a mat

I don’t want you to just see me naive and a good time

I want to be more

I want you to give me love

I need it

I crave it

And yet you have been giving me your scraps

I’m at my wits end

My love I just want substance

These wings are tattered

And my mind is scattered

I can’t seem to get it together

I’m wishing I was as light as a feather

To float away

And not be in disarray

To sport a smile

And not be beguiled

Let me run into the abyss

And let me seize to exist

I don’t want you to just see me naive and a good time

I want to be more

I want you to give me love

I need it

I crave it

And yet you have been giving me your scraps

I’m at my wits end

My love I just want substance

My love can be too much to bare

But I’m coming to you with a prayer

I want to declare

That this was more than just an affair

I don’t want you to just see me naive and a good time

I want to be more

I want you to give me love

I need it

I crave it

And yet you have been giving me your scraps

I’m at my wits end

My love I just want substance

More Drawings

i realized i started this blog really to post some of my drawings but only did two posts about them so here are some drawings that i could go back and really refine but i like them all as they are! so here they are...

"recent" (by recent i mean march-ish) drawings! i know they are posted on facebook... but if your not a friend on facebook... enjoy!

and another

these last two were done in ink when i was bored doodling... last one...

Catch up catch up read all about it!

i wanted to post something deep and beautiful and a writing but had nothing so i decided its time for a me post!


yes yes i know you have all been waiting for one! its about time... its almost half way point in the month of november! not too many things have changed... not even inside of me but i feel like in the areas that i have stopped evolving or getting inspiration from God has given me people to remind me of life, its ever changing beauty, its inspiration, and my goal to life.


what is my goal to life. honestly I HAVE NO CLUE but i've realized that there has got to be more than this.  what do i mean by "this"? well i was eating at Ryan's today, a buffet restaurant, where i haven't been in AGES! seriously its been so long since i've eaten there but it made me think.  think hard! i was watching the managers that were working at that restaurant and i know its not as difficult as working at a big chained sit down restaurant... i'm not saying that they probably don't get their asses handed to them during rush hour, but what happens once they leave the restaurant.  what else is there?


thats all it is... a job where you come in do it and do the paper work, make sure everything is clean and then come back and do it again tomorrow... yes everyday is different but please hear what i'm trying to get at.  what else is there people... i want to say i'm stuck in that same routine. i go to work and come home and then go to work the next day and do the same SH*T over again... its this monotonous routine we have all gotten into... its pathetic in my book! yes i am calling myself pathetic!


how have we allowed ourselves to be this. to sit and let ourselves get fat and lazy? i guess my problem is that i never had to fight for anything. its been somewhat easy for me... but thats because i've been living a mediocre life.  all of my life!


from a little girl when my mother handed me down my older sisters clothing, to getting by in school with a C average and not needing to study to achieve it, to finding jobs easily but still only being an average worker, sure they saw i worked hard while i was there but i did nothing to outshine...


how do we push out of that? how do we stop and say "what the hell am i sitting around for? and why am i doing everything half assed?" why can't we just give it our all? i read on someone's blog today "do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? run in such a way to get the prize...." how more true can that statement be! it hit home.  very hard! 


but what am i doing to win it? nothing... not even giving myself a winning chance at school... i can't finish that race for anyone else but myself. i've notice i've been running it for everyone else but me. that's why i hate it so much. that is one realization that i just came to and i cannot believe how i've done almost everything for everyone else. no wonder i've been doing everything with out emotion, with out a care in the world.


here i am telling everyone do what you need to do and i haven't done anything that i need to do for me... its so easy for me to rely on that and do what people need me to do but not what i need to do for myself.  i constantly do things for others without even noticing... and i get nothing in return.  sure i can say the satisfaction of doing something for someone else but... no... i don't always want to be the servant... can i once be the master?


that really struck a cord in me... see i love to write about my soul, heart, and my mind.  it releases things i didn't know were going on.  releases things i need to register with myself.  to make conscious that were hidden.


i'm content once more... and that's all i have to give to you today.


i'm hoping you realize what it is that is making you live your life half assed... why your only living half of yourself... and not fulfilling all of you.  i'm hoping that you find what you need to find to move out of it and find happiness in it... here's sending love your way from a full heart to hopefully another full heart... 


XOXO
~rosa

What's Left

**SONG**

My tattered clothes can’t take it anymore

Its as if I can’t find the shore

My hands and feet wont stop from bleeding

As if there’s some kind of meaning

My body is bruised and battered

And yet there’s nothing thats a matter

This love is less and less each day

And yet I re-live it more and more it wont stay at bay

How long will I dwell in it

How long will I keep it from resurfacing

I hate you but I can’t stop loving you

I want to rip you from me and yet I can’t seem to know how to

I want you near and keep you close

And yet I want to say no to you and run far from you

How do you keep me still wanting you and rejecting you at the same time

This world tells me there is no way

Yet I wont listen I keep standing for it come what may

I keep falling to the ground 

Keep finding myself down

But I know the fighting will only keep me bound

Even if I keep going round and round

I don’t think I can keep pretending

Or stop from giving in and bending

Break me free

Leave me be

How long will I dwell in it

How long will I keep it from resurfacing

I hate you but I can’t stop loving you

I want to rip you from me and yet I can’t seem to know how to

I want you near and keep you close

And yet I want to say no to you and run far from you

How do you keep me still wanting you and rejecting you at the same time

There’s nothing left to invest

Every piece has been undressed

What more can I give

When there’s no life to live

How long will I dwell in it

How long will I keep it from resurfacing

I hate you but I can’t stop loving you

I want to rip you from me and yet I can’t seem to know how to

I want you near and keep you close

And yet I want to say no to you and run far from you

How do you keep me still wanting you and rejecting you at the same time

Lost

They say look for the northern star when you are lost

What if you can’t see it

What if it is hidden from you

What if there is no way of finding it

How can you find something when you are so lost

Wandering in circles

Never finding the straight and narrow

Never finding the right path

So lost you feel like you are being led by someone who is lost too

They say things will unfold itself to you

That thing will find its way to you

Yet its all been things of no help

Things that appear like its good for the time being

Then nothing

Then less then nothing

And then you feel more lost then before

You feel as if you keep getting tangled up in life's messes

As if the string that you keep following has wrapped itself so tightly around you

And now you are stuck

Now you are starting to suffocate

How do you cut yourself free from it

How do you cut your self free to believe more

To release more

To express more

Everything seems muffled by all this junk that is covering the hidden path

The path that you are supposed to take

But all the running in circles

All the confusion has left you dizzy

Has left you not knowing if the path you just came from is new or old

Help me find that path

Help me find my way out

Help me find that star that I need to lead me out

It all happened in a moment by Josiah Hammond

On the east side of our colorful world
ill sit and stair at your perfect smile
look at me with your eyes
and ill stair back
and realize

I must be alive!

I gazed apone
a shore line
only to realize
it had nothing on you
sure it was pleasent
and qute peacefull
but it didnt burst with beautie
and shine with light of a million stars
not like you!

This is more then infatuation!

People say love is friends time ten
but i disagree
no math can ever tell me
how much i love you
or how much you love me
its a meaning to live
every beat of my heart
is ment for someone
but if you ever find that special someone
who is responsible for every flutter of your heart
hold the close and never let them fly away

Love is so hard to describe!

It Comes it goes
It hurts and it flows
you cant live without it
and yet you wish it gone
next time you do
make sure you think of the first time
when your heart skipped beats
and it didnt stop untill the end of the week!

That is what i call love!

Music, Music, and more Music!

**i love to find artist that haven't made it big yet... i think i like them because they haven't been damaged by hollywood... and so their music is untainted! two artists that i have found on YouTube are Kina Grannis and Melissa Polinar... they both are AMAZING! i love their voices and their music! here's a song by Melissa Polinar and one by Kina Grannis that should be on a cd but alas they are only on the Tube of You... SO here they are... ENJOY!!!***


TRY
(Melissa Polinar)

I.
There's something about you
the way you move, the way you look at me
There's something about the way you see things
its like a change of scenery
Everything about you, I just want more of

but don't get any closer
if this will last a little longer
There's a chance I'll find myself saying (there's)

Chorus:
nothing, nothing i can do
to keep my heart away from you
i can't help it
i can't tell you how much i try

...to get you off my mind
to help me move on and just live my life
I can't help it
I can't tell you how much I try

('cause) whenever you're near
its love that i fear

II.
i've been in this shell
and I can't tell if I'm living at all
I've been doing well on my own
but maybe its just me who I'm deceiving
Everything about me, leads right to you

oh, I want to get closer
but let me doubt a little longer
'till i turn it over and give in ('cause)

Bridge:
fear of falling so helplessly
fear of losing, losing control


**AND**


Make Me
(Kina Grannis)


Rainbows, I can't find them
past the raindrops where the light bends
where the stories tell of people
finding beauty where the dark's hold lets go

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.

I've been searching dreary weather
for a cloud that's line in silver
but the rain keeps on falling
and my love, i am calling for you

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.

You can't change the hurt you've done
Please don't let us come undone
Make me forget
Make me forgive
Make me believe you.

If you want to smile with me,
Hold me close and lie with me
If you want to die with me
Handle my heart carefully
Make me believe you.
Make me believe.

Dark Skies

As the cold wind rushes by

I feel the premonition of rain

The leaves over turned in the street

The broken cement I walk on

The sad sound of the wind rushing through the air

The sad faces of the people walking by

Illusions of a great day was what I awoke thinking

And yet it is gray

Gloomy and sad

The way my heart feels

The way my soul feels

The gray depths of me

How this day knew of my emotions before I did

Let me cover up my face

Let me paint on what everyone believes I feel

Let them not know of the hurt

The pain

The sorrow deep within

This dilapidated world seems to know exactly what I need

Exactly how I feel

Let me walk in the the empty streets

Let me stroll down dirty alley ways

Dark hallways

And black streets

I feel it

The rain

One droplet on my cheek

One droplet on my hand

One droplet on the ground

If only it would strike thunder

And downpour immediately

So no one could see the tears

So no one could see the anguish

How easy it is to pretend when the sun shines

But once the sun is hidden

When the clouds shroud it

That is when the truth is uncovered

It is truly unveiled

My harsh dark soul needing something to accept its emotions

Oh sky

Release your rain

Release the power in it

The power to wash away

The power to cover

The power to fall

My soul needs someone that is on the same page as me