Today I found your corner
In the back of my mind
Far from all living and creating
Far from all of me but still in the back of my mind
You were my immovable mountain
I found you and shook you
I held every vulnerable part of you
Yet it wasn’t enough
You laid out everything new for me
And I soaked it in
Its been almost two years
I found your corner today
I swore I wasn’t going to shed a tear for you
And some how I fell anyway
I relived the memory of you and me
Shed tears
Shed myself
I think its time
I will finally clean out everything
Every single part of me you touched
Every part of me you knew
I know I was not what made you whole
But you found the other half of me
I will not thank you
Nor curse you
I will just forget you
The corner you used to call home is devoid of you
I will fill it with all of me and your memory will not even exist
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I wanna hold your hand...
Captured by your essence
I stand alone
The tides rip between us like a vast space
Larger than the universe disagreeing with the passion between us
How is this love wrong when its pure
How is this love forsaken by all but you and me
How long will we be able to finally be one
How long will it be until the calm brings peace to everyone
I don’t know if I can keep surviving like a partridge in a pear tree
Alone and desolate
Sitting perched on my branch
Although we are apart you keep me surviving
You help me hold on to my breath
Your words bring me a bewildered love
This cage can’t hold it much longer
The sand in the hour glass of time seems to be going slower
As if we will never be again
My darling you tell me it will only be a little longer
But I can’t wait much longer
I can’t keep this love away
I want to stand up to the masses and show them our love
Show them the beauty we have created
Show them its more than just your hand in mine
I stand alone
The tides rip between us like a vast space
Larger than the universe disagreeing with the passion between us
How is this love wrong when its pure
How is this love forsaken by all but you and me
How long will we be able to finally be one
How long will it be until the calm brings peace to everyone
I don’t know if I can keep surviving like a partridge in a pear tree
Alone and desolate
Sitting perched on my branch
Although we are apart you keep me surviving
You help me hold on to my breath
Your words bring me a bewildered love
This cage can’t hold it much longer
The sand in the hour glass of time seems to be going slower
As if we will never be again
My darling you tell me it will only be a little longer
But I can’t wait much longer
I can’t keep this love away
I want to stand up to the masses and show them our love
Show them the beauty we have created
Show them its more than just your hand in mine
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Fire
I miss you
I miss you
I crave your touch
My body aches from not having you
Its as if a hole was ripped from within my soul
I am completely naked and exposed
Come back to me so that I can feel clothed again
So that I don’t feel like the crack in the ground is going to swallow me whole
Like the darkness is my new light
Like I will keep feeling this excruciating pain for the rest of my days
Pain that burns and bubbles inside me
Torturing my heart day in and day out
Does this not pain you
Do you not burn like the face of the sun
You say you had no choice but I don’t believe you
Not when I know that we used to have a different fire within us
Now the fire is raging
Trying to take it all back
Fire that consumes everything until this forest becomes bare
I miss you
I crave your touch
My body aches from not having you
Its as if a hole was ripped from within my soul
I am completely naked and exposed
Come back to me so that I can feel clothed again
So that I don’t feel like the crack in the ground is going to swallow me whole
Like the darkness is my new light
Like I will keep feeling this excruciating pain for the rest of my days
Pain that burns and bubbles inside me
Torturing my heart day in and day out
Does this not pain you
Do you not burn like the face of the sun
You say you had no choice but I don’t believe you
Not when I know that we used to have a different fire within us
Now the fire is raging
Trying to take it all back
Fire that consumes everything until this forest becomes bare
Lifeless
And barren
And barren
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Gathering the unraveled year...
I have not much to update on... Simply put... I've become really lazy. I mean absurdly lazy.
What I mean is that I've become so complacent in the situation I'm in its like why change. Even though everyday I wish I was else where with a car and a better job. I hate my job. I'm still working at Cracker Barrel and wishing I never went back. But being so accustumed to the responsibilities there has made me be ok with it. Even though I wish the place didn't have so many unheard of rules and regulations. We have to become robots for the managers to speak to us. Also many of the managers give preference to the two male servers we have. So anything a woman says they kinda put it off as oh she's emotional... must be on her period.
Don't get me wrong some of the women there whine so much its understandable but honestly... Not all women are like that!!!!!
Anyways... still have no car and gave the one that wasn't working to my sister so that she can have... so I'm stuck using a car with two other women. One that is mad when I use the car without asking to hang with friends, even though I and my mother puts gas in the car and my mother pays for the insurance, she still gets upset. She of course NEVER puts gas in the car. It's like pulling teeth with her!!!!!! I hate that!
My love life... oh to be loved like I was their whole world. I don't know if I was loved once by a real physical human being... but I want to believe I was loved once. You know, I'm just not physically attracted to anyone. Its like I'm asexual. Nothing really sparks my interest. It only happened twice. The first person my best friend liked and she had dibbs so... I had to step up off. (oh yea and he's a woman beater... so no thanks!) The second one... I could never be the one with... He already had one. She's perfect for him and I'm happy that they are together... But as a girl... I still sometimes wonder what could have happened if I threw myself more at him... But I'm so old fashion...
So another year ending and a new one beginning... 2009 I felt everything, 2010 I felt nothing, and 2011 I have no expectations...
Happy Holidays...
What I mean is that I've become so complacent in the situation I'm in its like why change. Even though everyday I wish I was else where with a car and a better job. I hate my job. I'm still working at Cracker Barrel and wishing I never went back. But being so accustumed to the responsibilities there has made me be ok with it. Even though I wish the place didn't have so many unheard of rules and regulations. We have to become robots for the managers to speak to us. Also many of the managers give preference to the two male servers we have. So anything a woman says they kinda put it off as oh she's emotional... must be on her period.
Don't get me wrong some of the women there whine so much its understandable but honestly... Not all women are like that!!!!!
Anyways... still have no car and gave the one that wasn't working to my sister so that she can have... so I'm stuck using a car with two other women. One that is mad when I use the car without asking to hang with friends, even though I and my mother puts gas in the car and my mother pays for the insurance, she still gets upset. She of course NEVER puts gas in the car. It's like pulling teeth with her!!!!!! I hate that!
My love life... oh to be loved like I was their whole world. I don't know if I was loved once by a real physical human being... but I want to believe I was loved once. You know, I'm just not physically attracted to anyone. Its like I'm asexual. Nothing really sparks my interest. It only happened twice. The first person my best friend liked and she had dibbs so... I had to step up off. (oh yea and he's a woman beater... so no thanks!) The second one... I could never be the one with... He already had one. She's perfect for him and I'm happy that they are together... But as a girl... I still sometimes wonder what could have happened if I threw myself more at him... But I'm so old fashion...
So another year ending and a new one beginning... 2009 I felt everything, 2010 I felt nothing, and 2011 I have no expectations...
Happy Holidays...
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Mirror
the mirror says it all
blinding me with my imperfections
i can turn away
but the realities will always show
this is how i see you
you are a mirror
i create truths with what you feed me
believing and ensuing a bond
a bond that is created on trust
but i've discovered after cleaning your mirror a crack
what are you hiding
what are you holding back
let me just fix it
for now...
you can barely see it anymore
then another imperfection appears
there's a chip in the glass
all over
everyone stands in front of your mirror now
i can see reflections of anger
of disappointment and disgust
yet i will believe in you for you show me the truth
seeing the good in you
you can be salvaged
i can help
but that little crack i tried covering up has surged through
now its half way through your glass
it wasn't there yesterday
or was it
it can still be fixed
but now things are distorted
things aren't as clear
if i clean you, you will break
tell me is this the real you
or do i have to wait for you to be fixed
have i been fed trickery with lighting and fog
was i being used as light to help with the illusion
let me step aside
let them see you
so i can really see you too
was this all a lie
7:31am Monday 12/20/10
blinding me with my imperfections
i can turn away
but the realities will always show
this is how i see you
you are a mirror
i create truths with what you feed me
believing and ensuing a bond
a bond that is created on trust
but i've discovered after cleaning your mirror a crack
what are you hiding
what are you holding back
let me just fix it
for now...
you can barely see it anymore
then another imperfection appears
there's a chip in the glass
all over
everyone stands in front of your mirror now
i can see reflections of anger
of disappointment and disgust
yet i will believe in you for you show me the truth
seeing the good in you
you can be salvaged
i can help
but that little crack i tried covering up has surged through
now its half way through your glass
it wasn't there yesterday
or was it
it can still be fixed
but now things are distorted
things aren't as clear
if i clean you, you will break
tell me is this the real you
or do i have to wait for you to be fixed
have i been fed trickery with lighting and fog
was i being used as light to help with the illusion
let me step aside
let them see you
so i can really see you too
was this all a lie
7:31am Monday 12/20/10
Monday, December 6, 2010
Inspired?
Not sure if i am but here are more drawings... the first i call missing her cage and the second is just the original and the drawing.... enjoy!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
More Drawings!
I got in the spirit of drawing today! and in charcoal too! i think i'm going to make it my favorite medium... i like what it does on paper... :) the first one is of the original picture and the drawing and the second is of just the drawing itself! enjoy!
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