To Dream The Impossible...

So I'm here... in South Carolina... and yet its as if my life as become more dull than it can ever become...  I'm stunted in all I can do because I have no job (yet), no car (it broke down on the way to south carolina.  The transmission went out in the middle of the highway in Georgia.), and I am bored out of my mind!  Don't get me wrong, I love being with my family and sister that live here BUT...  Yes there is a big butt that must intervene and its not mine... HA HA!

I left a state where everything was ok.  Everything was fine.  And now I'm completely still.  Nothing inspiring and I'm not inspiring anyone.  I don't know what to do.  Just sitting looking out the window and once again watching my life go by.

That's all I've been doing lately.  But how do I take hold of something I have no idea of what to do with.  I keep asking life what it is I need to be doing.  I keep asking life to give me passion, and if life is passing me by I have no clue as to how to manage it when I finally do grab it.  I have so many high hopes for myself, so many dreams, and yet they seem hopeless and impossible.  But to dream that impossible dream...

Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  But how do you devise a plan to start putting the dream into a working progress?  I keep waiting.  Waiting for it to come to me.  Waiting.  Because in the big book it says that those who wait will reap... right?

I sometimes do hate that I was raised a Christian, because then I wouldn't have been so sheltered, naive, so patient...  Growing up people would pray for me and tell me of the great things He is going to do in my life.  Prophesied over me mind you.  Yet I'm become weary of it.  Starting to think that maybe it will never happen.

When we, my parents and I, drove my car down to South Carolina and it broke down we had to pay a towing company to drive it 352 miles to our house.  It cost $2 a mile... needless to say we did not have that money liberally to give away.  We sat in our house while the tow men were outside wondering what in His name were we gonna do.  We had nothing!  Luckily my mother called her pastors and asked to borrow sed money and it was resolved.  But is there not a bank we can go to were we say "ok I've put in X amount of time praising and praying and singing.  I need to make a deposit please."

Sure this family has divided itself into many parts of this country but we somehow kept together.  How much longer do you keep praying until you are able to break that bank?  My faith started shaking that day.   I was angry at Him.  I was almost cursing Him.

He says He holds us in His hands and yet there are days, months, years, where we humans feel like we were on the other side of His hand.  The side that is never seen.

"Hey!  We're on the other side!  Did you forget about us?"

Do not get me wrong.  I get it.  He works in mysterious ways.  He comes on time not before nor after it.  But I'm getting tired of wondering how my life is being weaved and getting tired of waiting...

That's all I'm gonna post today.  Do I hate He who has created us?  No.  Has my faith dwindled to a thin low line?  Yes.

~Rosa