i do such a damn good job at it.
i'm failing another class and doing nothing about it... i'm scared shitless to speak to the proffesor... more than that... i'm scared to progress... why can't i allow myself to become greater than what i am... to love more and to fear less... to jump knowing there's a net ready to catch me...
i'm willing to throw my self under the bus...
so i've lost another friend... he's found a girlfriend... not saying that there is or was anything physical involved with us but when people start dating all they want is to be completly enwrapped with this other person. by doing so they move on and stop talking to others around them. not because they forget but because there's that other person who they have to tell their whatevers to.
i'm trying to distance myself from him because when i have friends i would like them to include me in their daily life. this somebody has only spoken to me three times in the same day about 3 days ago and before that about a week and a half. before that it was mostly every other day... well i don't like being replaced but its bothersome. i don't have that other person to talk to the way i used to... he's got different priorities which is understable.
but i wish i was more in their life. i want to be more in people's lives but i don't allow myself to become that more... i guess it takes more to get it out of me from those people... i guess that's too much than what a normal friendship takes...
guess what... i'm not a normal friendship kind of person...
so my sister today tells me... why can't i have you both with me all the time... refering to her husband and me... and i said because we can't have sex with each other... and she said no eww and he says EXACTLY!
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