There are things that you don't want to face. Things that can stop you in your tracks. Stop you in mid thought. I understand that these things are so frightening that they can cripple a person to not move forward. I feel like I've hit something like that. Like I don't want to move forward.
It's not graduating, its not paying bills, nor is it facing the one person that broke your heart oh so many years ago. Its facing responsibility. Friends I've decided school is gonna have to go on a very long hiatus. I am moving to South Carolina and things slowly are becoming so real and I'm scared of what it means now that I'm not returning for a long while. I'm moving back to help I guess.
The family needs help and I'm not doing anything to help it out. But that's not the real reason I'm going back. I know that once I get t here that's what's going to happen. I will get stuck and sucked in.
Another part of me is so excited for this new chapter. I'm going to find new friends and new jobs. It's gonna be one big party. But I'm wondering if all this new-ness is going to have me retract instead of moving forward. I have attendency to become introverted in new situations. All this is new to me.
What I'm also saddened about is leaving Tennessee behind. Leaving all the happiness that this small state has given me. From memories of having the biggest fight with my sisters, finding my best friends for all my life, to finding myself. I have finally made true friends and now I'm leaving them. Leaving for good.
I don't want to leave but I can't seem to get things together right now. I have to go back to my foundations to start up again. That means going home. Finding my home. Finding my place and moving from there.
So much growing up to do. I have to become an adult and mold to what they want me to be. But its not me. It's not where I want to be. Yet its where I have to be. It wont be long until I finally leave but its gonna hurt the most.
You are right 2010 here I come...
~Rosa
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