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They say that an ocean and sand can wear down the best of shorelines. The water can come in and sand down the most roughest edges. That’s exactly what the beach has done to me and my sister.

A couple of nights ago, on a beautiful clear sky night, we decided to go in our pajamas, to the beach. We didn’t go with any expectations. Just us, the beach and the moon. We stayed on the beach for approximately two and a half hours. The most powerful two and a half hours of my life.

Its easy for me to hide everything from the world. I do not know who I can trust with the most intimate parts of my soul. How people will take me, if crazy or sane. So I don’t divulge my inner worries or inner thoughts but on paper. Its easy for me to be a surface person with everyone. Not allowing anything more than a simple where I want my life to go or where it should go.

So this past Friday, early in the morning, we purged everything we had inside us. We trusted each other to not judge one another and gave ourselves to each other. I don’t think we’ve cried so much together. Some secrets that seem simple to others that are tightly hidden in the crevasses of our heart, some secrets that are so large that have us hidden under them, some secrets that make us feel nothing and everything. That’s what we decided to let go.

We released them to the wind and to ourselves. Her concerns, my concerns, her pain, my pain… Our pain and love of understanding. It hurt me that she didn’t trust me with her inner most worries. It hurt me that we couldn’t be like that with each other. Why should sisters not be able to be close and best friends.

It should be a mutual love between sisters. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS! Our secrets made our relationship so tender, so delicate, and so strong. I have never felt this freeing... to say what it is that holds me back from life. Its so freeing knowing everything that held her back from me. At first I had no understanding of how I should feel.

Should I feel scared that she will betray me? Should I be terrified of the secret she divulged to me? Should I feel nothing and not show my emotions on the questions that are bubbling inside me to ask her? Or should I break down and cry and keep crying to release all this worry?

At this moment I want to cry of sheer joy! Of sheer happiness! And the sorrow that we didn’t allow ourselves to trust each other with things!

I love her! I love my sister whole heartedly! She is my twin! She is my dearest and most darling of all my sisters! She released something within me that I didn’t know was possible. True happiness. Of allowing to trust someone else to carry a burden with them. To share the fears and worries that we are both feeling on the inside.

You never know what any one person is truly feeling. What they are hiding in the twinkle of their eye. But people are a funny thing. They can surprise you.

Because she and I decided to not judge each other there was no fear of what was said. Also who are we to judge. Your sin or fear or scares could be theirs. And maybe whatever it is that your hiding may be nothing compared to what the other person is hiding.

Its taken me two days to process all this. To find the real emotion that I was feeling. Its a process with me. I am not one to just give you an answer right away. But after the storm clouds have cleared and the dust has finally settled there’s clarity in life. It feels right. Thats all I can give you.

It feels like home. Something that I have never known. And now I can find some kind of peace, in myself, in my sister, in my home, and in my life.

Its funny. I thought freedom was found on your knees at the altar surrendering to God. Yet I finally feel free in myself. I’m not sure if its a false sense of freeing but it sure feels good...