High in my tower...

How many times do they have to tell you your not good enough until it hits you...

What if they are right!  I see myself as a great person.  A person who just wants to have fun and have everyone just like her.  

They say greatness is thrusted upon oneself.  When I was younger people would tell me I love to see you just let go and not care.  You truly bless me when you just let go.  Tell me then what good do I hold on to?  What good is there left to stay holding on to.  Why don't I just release?

Fear of the unknown.  Always the fear.  Fear of falling again and again and again...  Whenever I pick myself off of the floor, I seem to find myself there not too short afterwards.  But I get up again and again right where I started.  I keep ruining the good stuff.  I keep pushing those I get close to away.  Far away.  

I feel so alone.  But I know that there are so many people who feel the same way.  Why does loneliness attack us all.  Maybe its the "fear" of ending up in the end not loved and abandoned.  

I've felt abandoned for such a long time.  In the mist of all the fun and all the enjoyment of life I've felt abandoned.  I live my life that way.  At any moments notice ready to run.  Ready to take off and start-over.   

But I'm not strong enough to do that.  I'm not stronged willed to just start a new.  I enjoy the monotony of feeling abandoned.

I feel so unloved and alone.