My sister is my best friend but in less than a month she will be married. Tonight I came to the realization when she bailed on plans she made.
We were supposed to go out and get ice cream... more like ices or sorbet for me (I'm lactose intolerant) and she had a meeting, which of course is understandable and we were gonna go afterwards. After the meeting she texted me that she and my future brother in law decided to go over to the leaders home to watch the game that was on tonight. I immediately told her have him drop you off then she said "I wanna go too." And now its 12:45 in the morning and I haven't heared from her again tonight. Great.
I could have gone and done something but my best friend ditched me... for a football game no less! BTW we are not football fans. Unless there is someone watching the game who is knowledgeable of the team and is very enthused about the game then that's when the game becomes enjoyable other wise... HELL NO I'M NOT GONNA WATCH.
What's the point of watching people keep hitting each other, throwing a ball to the same person, moving up and down a field, and having fifteen minutes become an hour and a half! Those games last a week as far as I'm concerned!
What's really bugging me (the root of the anger) is the fact that she made my younger sister the maid of honor... I see where its coming from but it hurt deep. I haven't told her but whateve. It's not like I haven't been around to see you grow for the last 6 years. Its not like I wasn't the only one who was okay with the relationship with her future husband...
Ugh! It just makes me mad!
On top of that a friend of mine believes I should go get counseling and she says she knows of a lady... I mean who goes on that. "Hey I know a lady you should go talk to her and tell her what you would never reveal even to yourself." Um... okay sign me up... Really. I don't even know who she is. I need to see where this lady is coming from. I can't just go in there and talk. It doesn't work for me that way.
All my life I've been a controversy with my family and can't talk to them about who I am and how I feel. How am I supposed to seek out someone who apparently has seen and heard it all. Sure they might have heard of my situation but it doesn't mean I want to talk about it. I don't know... it just scares the living sh*t out of me to do so.
But honestly... I know I need to go see someone and talk. I never do with anyone except those I don't know anything about... Hence blogging... Not sure if many people read this so I write exactly what's behind the curtain.
I just want to be liked... is that so hard?
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