Grow for me

I am filled with dissatisfying days
days filled with anger
filled with sadness
filled with hatred

wishing for a change
wishing for something more
wishing for a rip in this earth

for an earth shattering new life
to plant my seed and watch it grow
yet i have planted and nothing is showing
nothing is emerging

it is dying and I can't seem to help it grow
all I am doing is drowning it
I am watering it too much
I am giving too much attention
and I can't seem to see any thing from it

I just want to forget it
let it die
let it wither away
move on and plant again
move on and pretend it wasn't there

to plant a new one far away
maybe this one will bring me joy
maybe this one will finally emerge from the ground

the day I planted it
How many dreams did I have for it
the hopes of it flourishing to be grand and wonderful
to be strong and bloom

and its been a long time
and it still there
as if it taunting me
telling me your not good enough for it to flourish

not good enough for it to grow
to be more
to be for me

not good enough
now i understand