The Heaviness of Nothing

There are times when I think things have changed

When I feel the beauty of the transformation

Then there are days

Days when I can’t feel anything

When my body is as empty as a blank paper

When my mind has nothing to say

When my heart has stopped beating so fast

Everything around me is moving so fast

When I can’t seem to catch up to the world’s pace

I just want to shut out the world and regroup

But when I’m in my solitude

I hear the loud clarity of emptiness

My emotions are blank

I can’t find that motivation of life anymore

I can’t find the loveliness of beauty’s smile

Music doesn’t help

I feel the deep nothing

I am not happy

Nor am I sad

I feel nothing

Its as if someone took paint thinner to my canvas

And all the colors are sliding off and making one big color

One large murky black

My hands don’t even want to write

They are like heavy lead bricks

Hitting and striking the keys

I walk as if I am in a daze

Not knowing which way to go

This emptiness has confounded me

I’m confused as what this emptiness wants me to do

Where do I go with it

What can I do

I want to feel

I need to feel

I crave to feel